Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
