I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love having hate sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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