yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
