dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
