Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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