Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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