it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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