she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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