you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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