Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
