Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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