with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
