upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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