I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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