Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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