I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
