i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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