He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize