I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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