Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
