it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
