big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
