I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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