i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
