Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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