I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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