This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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