i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we're so committed to being not committed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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