I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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