we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
