Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
