So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
