honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
