i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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