He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
