Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
