dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
