grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
