You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
