i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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