I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
