somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
