Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
