the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
