Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
