I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
