just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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