I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
