my sisters under your porch take her home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
