You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
