I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Are my feet made of real feet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
