I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize