we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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