remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
