Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
