I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am mentally ready for anal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
