Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
