help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i would punch a child for taco bell
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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