You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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