I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize