nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
