Non-Jews are for practice
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
