shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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