What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
