i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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