We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
