dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
