It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
