I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
