my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
