Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
