tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
