Don't you send me to vm
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
