Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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