Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
