Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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