I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
