you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize