I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize