Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
