Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
