Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
