i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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