There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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