do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
