Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
