oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
