FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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