walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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